AN OPEN LETTER TO THE REPUBLICAN PARTY

 A Few Personal Suggestions on to How to Expedite, Improve, and

Streamline the Republican Party Platform Now and for the Future

It seems to me the Republican Party is in deep trouble this election year of 2012.  As a patriotic American, I want to see the party become strong and vibrant.  I think the problem with the Republicans is their political platform.  It is not clear enough to the average American what they stand for and why.

My advice to them is to rewrite their platform in very clear language so everyone can see what they stand for.  Although I’m not a politician, here are some of my suggestions for what the platform should contain:

Women: should be disenfranchised.  It was a mistake giving them the vote in 1920.  It’s been nothing but a century of misery for men ever since.  Women have become increasingly conceited and complain about every small inequality in the law imaginable.  It is time to put women back in their place in the bedroom and kitchen.

Hispanics: should be deported.

Poor people: enslaved or euthanized.

Native Americans: exterminated (if there are any left to exterminate again)

Jews: deported to Germany and/or exterminated as part of “The American Solution”.

Whites: privileged to the full extent of the law and twice as privileged as any colored person and any individual of the female persuasion, meaning women.

Democrats: subjected to “enhanced interrogation techniques” until they renounce their party allegiance and switch parties.

Voters: defined by $50,000 in property ownership required to vote and $250,000 in total wealth required to seek office (or should that be $250,000,000?  In Romney dollars, of course, which will be the name of our new currency—go team!)

Form of Government: Return to Monarchy.

The first king could be Romney, Santorum, Gingrich, or whoever the presidential nominee or richest Republican turns out to be.  End democracy now and let the rich rule as they were meant to rule!

(This, apparently, already is a plank in the Republican Party’s current platform but I include it again anyway as a reminder of the all important “Profit Before Everything” position and how crucial it is to rally Rich White Men as voters).

Rich White Men: the new aristocracy who will be given hereditary titles based on how much wealth they possess: king, prince, duke, earl, etc.

Poor Whites: indentured servants for life.  Exceptional ones may be granted early parole.

Prisoners: all to be shot for any crime above a misdemeanor to save money and to create space which will be needed for the growing number of critics of the Republican Party.

Critics of Republican Party: censorship and prison.

First offense: big fine to raise money for campaigns.

Second offense: imprisoned in those now empty jail cells (previous set of prisoners having been “removed” permanently—the brilliance of this plan amazes me)

Third offense: tortured or euthanized (depending on extent and nature of criticism)

Abortion-seekers: criminalized and imprisoned: a no-brainer.

Supreme Court Justices Who Vote to Uphold Abortion as a Legal Constitutional Right:

To be criminalized and imprisoned and subjected to a secret “this ain’t torture!” policy.

Anyone Else Not Covered By Above Categories: deported (mild) imprisoned (moderate) or “removed” permanently (severe) from Planet Earth (not talking space exploration)

Now I think this is a strong, clear, and unequivocal platform the Republican base can take to heart.  No more tip-toeing through the tulips; no more pussy-footin’ around; no more molly-coddling ethnic, racial, and religious groups that simply don’t belong here in America.

I mean, really, who do they think they are?  Not a one of them has an ancestor who was a paying passenger upon the Mayflower, right?

Now wouldn’t that be the “ticket” to creating a wonderful country for “rich white men only”—no more problems!  Since the Republican Party Platform already supports, or hints at supporting part or all of these political policies, why not come right out and say it openly?

Everyone likes an honest and forthright platform they can understand on first reading, and I see no reason why the Republican Big-Wigs should continue to hide, distort, and obfuscate their own true party principles.

“Equality” be damned!  Why not just come out and say it, that the American experiment in democracy was one HUGE mistake and we have a party that isn’t afraid to think as much . . . they’re only afraid to say it out in the open.

I encourage the Republican leadership to be more open and come right out and say: America for the rich!  Screw everybody else!  And to hell with the American voters!!

We got money and you don’t and that’s all that really matters!!!

(They may not ever say it but the question is: do they ever think it?)

     

AUTHOR’S POST-SCRIPT:

I pray to the heavens above that Republicans recognize this as farce and do not take any of these proposals seriously—amen!